Guys do a lot of knuckleheaded things when they're trying to get girls to like them, talk to them, and eventually go home with them. More opportunities for successful nights have been squandered by guys making dumb mistakes with girls who liked them or would've gone home with them than by just about any other reason.
Here now we're going to have a look first at the 10 most common mistakes men make trying to pick up a girl, so you can know what they are, identify these mistakes in yourself if you're making them, and stop making them right away so you can find success in picking up the girls you like.
- They go to the wrong places. When most men think of picking up a girl, they think of big loud nightclubs. But big loud nightclubs are a stretch for many men out there – for many guys, it'd be a lot easier to strike up a conversation with a girl in a bookstore or on the street. You can do the club scene, and it can be a lot of fun, but do keep in mind there are a lot more places to meet women than big rooms with pulsing music and strobing lights.
- They focus on the wrong things. Doing well with women isn't about having good "pick up lines" or dressing flashy. It's your presence – how you are, including your posture, your body language, your eye contact, your voice tone – and what you say after you first say hello that matters most. Those are the things that get women attracted and cause them to want to move forward with you. But most guys focus on the wrong things, and are left scratching their heads when their pick up attempts fall flat.
- They don't emulate winners. Ever have anyone say the phrase "Just be yourself" to you? Well, there is a kernel of truth in it – but it's no good until you've spent enough time trying to emulate others that you know what parts of yourself are good as-is and what parts need tweaking. When you're meeting new women, who are you trying to be like?
If it isn't a guy you already know does better with women than you do, you're probably missing out on implementing a lot of the more effective things he does. In business, we call it benchmarking. In sports and in the arts, they call it having an "influence." Whatever you want to call it, the people who do best don't figure it all out on their own. They learn from those better than themselves and go from there.
- They don't know how to target. I'm either going to do a post on this or maybe even put an entire program out on it at some point, but being able to target the right women to meet is so very key to succeeding. It's why men who are very experienced will at times go out and talk to one woman, and that's the woman they take home later.
It does require you to spend some time learning how to do it, but once you've developed the ability to discern which women are open to meeting someone new – pay special attention to body language and eye contact – is she focused on her friends, or does she seem distracted – it all gets so much easier you'll find it difficult to believe you ever got by without looking for these signs she's interestedbefore.
Oh, and, while I know they seem like the bright shiny objects of a bar or nightclub, don't chase after the girls partying hard on the dance floor, because they're not in a "meeting a cute guy" kind of mode. Instead, wait until they take a break and stop dancing, or find a girl who's relaxing by the bar already. I guarantee you it'll go over better than trying to get to know her while she's bouncing up and down.
- They miss escalation windows. Of all the ten mistakes listed here, this one's the most painful. Missing an escalation window is what happens when a girl wants a guy to move things forward, and signalsfor him to move things forward... and he just doesn't. And then she gives up.
Argh.
This happens to lots of guys early on. It used to happen to me a lot. It happens because either a guy doesn't realize she's signaling him to move things forward, or because he's moving too tentatively and doesn't capitalize on the signals he gets.
- They're too much fun. Fun kills the mood; it messes things up. At least, the kind of fun that most guys try to pull off. Being sexy and a bit fun is great; being goofy, silly, slapstick-y, or just platonically fun is, on the other hand, terribly counterproductive. It communicates to women that a man is more a fun friend than he is a sexual option. No good.
